Motorshows News

The New York Motor Show 2013

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The New York International Auto Show is an auto show which is international and in New York. Here is a report from there.

Picture editor to my office please

One of the biggest announcements at the show was the brand new Cadillac CTS which showcases the replacement for the company’s ‘Art & Science’ design philosophy dubbed ‘Math & Geography’. ‘The front represents a long division sum,’ said a spokesman. ‘The window area is inspired by quadratic equations and ox bow lakes and the trunk lid represents, yep, you guessed it, shifting subsistence cultivation in the densely forested highlands of the Congo Basin.’

The new Range Rover Sport attracted a great deal of media attention at the show with most observers agreeing that it looked very handsome. ‘I’m glad people like it because I designed all of it,’ claimed Design Director Geraldine McGovern. ‘I designed all of it on my own and no one helped me. You know the Evoque? I designed that as well. Do you like the Empire State Building? Good, because that was one of mine. Have you ever seen mountains? I designed those too. And waterfalls.’ For typical customers, new Sport prices will start at one week’s wages, minus your agent’s fee, and rise to just over 1 kilo, uncut.

Over on the Jaguar stand the big news was the track-biased XKR-S GT. This won’t be the last extreme version of the XK, however. ‘The XKR-S GT will be followed by an XKR-S GT2,’ said a spokesman. ‘And then an XKR-S GT2-R and then an XKR-S GT2R-S and finally an XKR-S GT2-R-S R which won’t have the massive rear wing because the rear axle will be pinned to the road by the weight of all the badges on the boot.’

The New York show brought further proof that the Koreans are not mucking about in their bid to destroy all other car companies with the arrival of a brand new Kia Soul which looked completely identical to the old model. ‘No, no, no. Look closer,’ said a spokesman. ‘The previous Soul was a great success for us but we realised the exterior door handles were 4mm too low so we destroyed all the tooling and designed a brand new car from scratch. Now they are perfect. Ha ha ha, all your base are belong to us,’ he added, mysteriously.

This event was the first public showing of the new and controversial Jeep Cherokee which attracted a range of comments from show goers including, ‘Why are its headlights following me around the room?’ and ‘Arrr! I think it just bit me!’ A Jeep spokesman admitted the new model may have been dropped on its roof as a prototype.

Finally, the main attraction on the Chevrolet stand was the new 7-litre, 500 horsepower Camaro Z/28 which is not only more powerful but also lighter after a range of weight-saving measures including deleted air-conditioning and removal of items normally found in the boot including carpet, gun rack, blood soaked rags and the hooker’s arm. For the benefit of European journalists unfamiliar with Camaro history,  a Chevy spokesman was able to clarify the meaning of the Z/28 name; ‘The zee stands for America,’ he shouted. ‘And the 28 stands for FUCK YEAH. Next question.’