‘Ello ‘ello ‘ello. Detective Inspector Mark Blundell done be reporting. On Sunday the 14th of April I done proceed in an easterly direction towards the Chinese Grand Prix what done, in fairness, be in China. Here I done be asked to sit on what done be the stewards’ panel what done investigate road traffic incidents what occur during the race what done be happening at this time.
Sadly this sort of incident done be all too common and, to be honest, I done observe multiple occurrences what done occur. I done, for example, observe an IC2 male, one Mr E. Gutierrez of Mexico in Mexico, who done be driving a dark-coloured Sauber vehicle and he done approach the rear of a brightly-coloured Force India vehicle driven by one A. Sutil of Germany at what be, in fairness, excessive speed. This done lead to what done be, to be honest, a collision. As the attending officer I done be left with no choice but to done give Mr Gutierez a penalty and I done also warn him that such an incident with Mr Sutil in China done be extremely dangerous and he done be lucky not to get, in fairness, glassed.
I done also witness an incident in which another IC2 male, a Mr S. Perez also of Mexico, done cause his silver McLaren vehicle to done impede the progress of a black and gold Lotus vehicle driven by one K. Raikkonen and they done literally collide. This done be the fault of Mr Perez and done be exactly the kind of easily avoidable incident what done cause a team principle to wish they done have signed, in fairness, someone else.
Finally, I done also notice a collision between two IC1 males, a Mr J-E Vergne who done be of the France region of France, and a Mr M. Webber who done be, when you look at it, Australian. In fairness, this done be a difficult incident to investigate and it done be easy to done say that Mr Vergne done be at fault. However, at the end of the day, I done decide to penalise Mr Webber because it done seem to me that in the past few week he done already become used to being, in fairness, robbed. Over and out.