Crazy Dave

Crazy D reports from China 2013

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Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha on Bee Biddy Cee with my fine shortie Suzi P and ma mad shirted bullshittin’ buddy E-to-tha-J. So las’ weekend we slide on over Chinese side fo’ tha Gee giddy Pee of China and everyone, they be lookin’ at dem cats on the itty bitty Red Bull and wonderin’ when ma buddy Sebby V is gonna get a smack in tha face hole from ma crop-haired homie M Web. Complete break down of inter-team relationshizzles.

So come tha three phase fly-by, it be all gravy fo’ ma man Fo’Nando on tha threes with tha mumbly muthaflucker K Raikk on tha twos. But who this be slammin’ it on tha pointy slot but ma team switchin’, pop star bumpin’ brother Tha Ham. Mad props, homie. Satisfying confirmation that he didn’t make the incorrectizzle decisizzle.

Tings ain’t so sweet fo’ ma so solid M Web though cuz that that cat be out tha game in tha Cutey Two-ty an’ at first they be chattin’ ‘bout a lack of fuel pressure. Yea, cuz you can’t put pressure on somethin’ tha ain’t there. That be some bad shit goin’ down fo’ ma Down Under brother right there. Feedin’ tha conspiracizzle theorizzles.

Come tha red fives and goodbyes, it be ma homies Nando and that form-findin’ micro brother Filly M who be lookin’ strong but behind them it be all goin’ on wit’ that Mexico muthafunker Esto G slammin’ into ma Lux cuttin’ homie A Sut and tha new Mac Daddy Sergy P mixin’ it up carbon splinters stylee with The Raikkmeister. But doncha jus’ know it, that leave him alone muddyfunster jus’ go even faster wit’ tha broken nose. Strange quirk of tha aerodynaicizzles.

Meanwhile, tings ain’t no barbie in tha park fo’ tha unlucky muthaflicker M Web cuz that cat be bumpin’ bodywork wit’ he Tosso buddy JEV an’ then tha muthaflumpin’ wheel come off. Literallizzle.

Come tha’ wafty flag, it be ma homie Tha Ham on tha threes, K Raikk takin’ tha two slot an’ who this be on tha big step but tha two girlfriends, one eyebrow muthafunker Nando. Smell his undercut. Crazy D be puttin’ on he’s cruise ship caberet singer jacket and chattin’ to ma brothers on tha podi-ay and F Lonso, he sure be one happy homie. Maybe cuz he off fo’ a privizzle celebratizzle. Oh yea.

Remember, it’s just one week until the race in Bahrain and you’ll be able to see the best of all the on-track action with a comprehensive highlights show at 5pm on Sunday 21 April on BBC One and BBC One HD.