Crazy Dave

Crazy Dave reports from Bahrain 2013

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Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Davey C comin’ atcha in a blazer and tighty whitey jean combo. Smart casualizzle.

So las’ weekend we slide on over Middle East side fo’ tha Gee diddy Pee of Bahrain and man, there be some contro-motherflicking-versy goin’ down. Some cats, they don’t dig tha way tings is done on tha streetz and they ain’t happy wit’ ma child size homie Big Bernie E fo’ allowing tha Fiddy Uno to be racin’ out there. Unlawful imprisonizzle of politicizzle disentizzles an’ shit.

Ting is, we ain’t got no time to pretend we care ’bout that cuz we got a championshizzle to makin’, startin’ wit’ tha three phase fly by. An’ come tha two and three sesh it be ma pretty boy buddy NiRo who be slammin’ it on tha one slot M-B style wit’ ma pointy finger brethren Sebby V on tha two an’ ma big browed brother Nando on tha three. Shoulda been ma man Tha Ham on tha fours but that cat gotta take a slot drop, as do M Web and Ezzy Gutizzy. Unusual number of grizzle plizzle penaltizzles.

Come tha five alive, that cat NiRo be goin’ down pretty fast cuz he’s rubber goin’ off and it be tha shit-at-sayin’-sorry homie Sebby V that be takin’ it to tha ones wit’ Nando on he’s tail. But then Nando got some shit goin’ down wit’ sticky flaps and I ain’t talkin’ about the results of a private celebration. Hot diggety. But then who this be sneakin’ into tha big boy end of tha playground but ma North of tha Borda brother P Diddy Resta. Nuff respec’. Cool shizzle that should make he less miserabizzle.

Elsewhere, there be some mad shit goin’ down with ma homies from tha MC Laren as tha mañana muthafunker Gio Prez be messin’ wit’ Jenny B an’ gettin’ all up in he’s face. Now, Jenny B don’ like this shit and he be complainin’ to tha team an’ ting. Boo hoo, someone take babyizzle’s bottizzle.

Now Crazy D, he can’t deny he be rootin’ fo’ ma Ecosse boss P Diddy Resta on the podiddyodium. Me be holdin’ my lucky bagpipe to tha end, and I ain’t talkin’ about tha contents of ma tighty whitey jeans. But that jus’ ain’t goin’ down and come tha success steps, it be Sebby V on tha one slot wit’ that mumbly mother K Raikk on tha two and that hairy face homie RoGro on tha three slot. Oh shee-it, not more tediousizzle Lotus hashtagizzles.

Don’t forget that Formula 1 returns to Europe in three weeks’ time and you can see all the action from the Spanish Grand Prix live on Sunday 12 May on BBC One and BBC One HD.