There was disaster for Aston Martin today as the company’s brand new CC100 concept was caught, gutted and eaten by a toothless, dungaree-wearing American inbred.
The bearded, swamp-dwelling simpleton, identified only as ‘Cletus’, spoke exclusively to Sniff Petrol about how he came to catch the priceless one-off just minutes after it was revealed; ‘First I saw him, I couldn’t believe ma own eyes,’ he drawled. ‘He jus’ come swimmin’ up the creek, bold as you like. ‘Cept it wasn’t a creek, it wuz more like a street or somethin’, and he wunt swimmin’ he wuz more kinda rollin’, but I know a catfish when I sees it. So I throws out my line and, darn it, I done caught the bastard. He sure did struggle and he done make this unholy noise, kinda more machine than animal, but I gone smack him with ma shovel and that show him. Heh-heh-heh-heeeh.’
According to eye witness reports, Aston Martin representatives looked on in horror as their hand made centenary celebrating concept was bashed repeatedly with a spade, thrown into the back of a large Chevrolet pick-up and driven back to a partially collapsed shack in a part of Georgia that isn’t really on any maps.
‘Yep, I took the ugly critter back to ma house and I done gut him,’ Cletus confirmed. ‘Then I calls in Bobby-Jo and Sue-Ann and Bradon-Lynn and Peggy-Lou and other Bobby-Jo and Britney-Febreze and Solange-Mountaindew and the one who don’t talk so good and I says “Eat up kids!” and one of them say, “But daddy, this done taste like aluminum” and I says “Shut up you dang ingrate” but I be thinkin’ he gotta a point. Wait? What ? That dang thing be A VEH-HICLE? Dagnabbit! ’
‘We will get our car back,’ said an Aston Martin spokesman. ‘Basically, we just have to wait for an idiot to poo it out. Which, ironically, is the same design process we used for the Cygnet.’