BMW reveals new X5

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NewX5BMW has revealed details of the new, third-generation X5 along with the promise that it has been designed more than ever to appeal to ‘dreadful human beings’.

The new X5’s exterior style is claimed to be ’36 percent more obnoxious’ and that, as a result, it will attract ‘almost twice as much new money’. BMW has been careful not to lose the distinctive X5 look, therefore ensuring that it will still be impossible to find someone who will let you out of a busy junction.

Inside, BMW has made several detail improvements aimed at ghastly idiots including a driver’s seat carefully designed around the burly, low-browed man and interior colour schemes chosen not to clash with leopard print, gold jewellery and extremely orange skin.

Anyone wanting a new X5 will have to find at least £42,590 and, going by the looks of them, they’ll probably do it illegally.