Motorsport News

New F1 support series revealed

Article image
Andrea Moda, yesterday

The FIA today announced an innovative new F1 support series designed to showcase ineptitude, inadequacy and underfunding, to be branded Formula Wank.

‘Since Formula 1 is the pinnacle of motorsport, every team in the paddock strives for perfection and frankly that’s rather boring,’ explained an FIA insider. ‘As of 2014, Formula Wank will offer an antidote by showcasing crowd-pleasing displays of utter ineptitude. That’s why we’re delighted to say that one of the first teams to sign up is Andrea Moda who have already agreed to field a completely underdeveloped car and then put the wrong tyres on it.’

Other teams set to take part in Formula Wank include Osella, Forti, Onyx and Pacfic, all of whom promise to make every race a festival of embarrassingly poor lap times, lethally twitchy set-up, comically inept pit stops and yet more crushing disappointment for Perry McCarthy.

‘The field is filling up nicely and there is sure to be strong competition amongst the teams as to who can dominate the coveted back row of the grid,’ confirmed our FIA mole. ‘We’ve just had confirmation of an entry from Mastercard Lola who will turn up to our first race, make a total hash of it and the disappear forever whilst US F1 have promised they will take part and will keep promising to take part throughout the season whilst never actually taking part, the bullshitting idiots. We’ve also received a very exciting call from an especially useless outfit who are calling themselves ‘Toyota’.’

‘This is all great news,’ said pay driver’s pay driver Taki Inoue. ‘I’m looking forward to receiving a phone call fr… oh no! A Tatra! Ouch…’