New festival this weekend

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Some wipers, yesterday

This weekend car enthusiasts from all over the world will gather in the German town of Verdammt Hölle for a festival to celebrate the invention of rain sensing windscreen wipers.

The new festival will start immediately and a little too quickly before suddenly stopping again. It will then remain stopped for slightly too long until festival organisers are wearily forced to over-ride it and start it again, at which point it will suddenly begin at an insanely frenetic pace forcing it to be manually stopped once more.

‘You really won’t know what’s coming next,’ promises festival organiser Ray Nsensing. ‘We think this festival willattractpeoplefromallovertheworldbecausereallyitisacele… bration… of… every…… thing…… that……………….’

‘I can’t believe it’s here; I’ve had my tickets for ages!’ exclaimed one excited festival goer. ‘Well actually, I ordered five tickets for me and my friends and one ticket came immediately, then there was nothing, then one day, slightly later than I hoped, 57 billion tickets arrived.’

Attractions over the course the weekend will include an outside bar with umbrellas that all open instantly when it’s slightly humid but then slam shut as soon as it actually starts to rain and a completely rubbish band with a drummer that can’t keep time at all and eventually just gives up.

For more details about this event go to the festival website which can be found at