Motorsport News

2013 German GP preview

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 Greasy faced informationphobe Wurke Esperiense dispenses some ‘facts’ about this weekend’s race.

GermanGPmap13Thanks to Germany’s harsh restrictions on what can happen on a Sunday, the Grand Prix needs special dispensation to take place and no one in the crowd is allowed to enjoy it.

One driver who has never enjoyed going to Germany is Riccardo Patrese, who is Jewish. ‘Oh my God, I seemed to have a disproportionate number of retirements there!’ he quips. ‘Although the people were always very welcoming and the facilities excellent!’ he adds.

After Michael Schumacher’s seventh world championship win in 2004, the new Nurburgring was temporarily re-named Die Rennstrecke von Crushing Supremacy.

A driver who isn’t looking forward to going to Germany is Lewis Hamilton, who is black. ‘Oh man, Germany! My retirement there last year still haunts me!’ he quips. ‘Although the crowds are great and the weekend is put together in a totally professional way!’ he adds.

Germany boasts a unique podium celebration in which, instead of Champagne, the top three drivers receive a really enormous glass of beer and then another enormous glass of beer and then another one and then another one and then they wake up at 2am in a bus shelter in an unfamiliar town.

Another driver who dreads going to Germany is Romain Grosjean, whose first name could lead him to be mistaken for a Romany gypsy. ‘Mon dieu! Germany is a nightmare for me! 18th place last year was a complete disaster!’ he quips. ‘Also, I was beaten up in my hotel room and imprisoned for crimes I did not commit.’

The new Nurburgring, or GP-Strecke, should not be confused with the legendary Nordschleife next door. The GP-Strecke is easily identified because its layout is the one not available as a small sticker for extremely tedious people to put on the back of their car.