Motorsport News

McLaren takes rest of season off

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The McLaren factory not doing any work, yesterday

After another disappointing showing in this weekend’s Hungarian Grand Prix, McLaren has announced that it will ‘sit out’ the rest of the 2013 season.

‘Jenson is ninth in the drivers’ table, Checo is 12th and in the constructors’ league we’re behind Force bloody India,’ sighed a spokesman for the British team. ‘I mean really, what’s the point? So sod it, we’re going to save ourselves a load of bother by taking the rest of the season off.’

Sources in Woking say the entire team is now taking a leisurely drive back to the factory where Ron Dennis has already got a barbecue going on the lawn. ‘This whole decision to take the rest of 2013 off was actually Ron’s idea,’ explained an insider. ‘He called everyone in this morning and said, “Look, the car is shite and the weather is great. Screw it, let’s fire up the barbie, get in a bucket of cold ones and just chill the fuck out”. So that’s what we’re going to do. Ron’s sent everyone home to fetch their trunks so they can have a swim in the lake and when Martin Whitmarsh gets back he’s going to get his decks out and spin some mad tunes.’

‘Wait, what, I could have had the rest of the season off?’ wailed former McLaren Technical Director Paddy Lowe, who recently moved to Mercedes. ‘Oh God, that is so unfair. Please send help, Toto Wolff beats me with sticks…’