BMW plans new car launch policy

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Oh do fuck off, yesterday
Oh do fuck off, yesterday

This week’s new-generation Mini launch featuring bulldogs, red post boxes and other pieces of ‘classic’ British iconography marks a new car launch philosophy for Mini’s parent, BMW.

According to sources in Munich, all BMW cars from now on will be revealed to the press and public using a heavy handed series of dated, country-specific images. This new policy will next be seen at the reveal of the forthcoming 4-series Gran Coupe when the rakish German model will be wheeled on stage surrounded by dachshunds, white sausages and elderly men in army helmets with spikes on the top.

That launch will be followed by the reveal of the X4 SUV which will be unveiled to an invited audience surrounded by oompah bands, girls in lederhosen and men in propellor engined fighter aircraft shouting ‘Gott in himmel!’

‘After the success of our Mini launch, that is our future plan for revealing BMWs,’ admitted Beemer spokesperson Bea Merspokesperzon. ‘Oh wait, no it’s not because that would be patronising horse shit.’