Ford announces new high-tech Mustang

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Today's new Mustang, yesterday
Today’s new Mustang, yesterday

Ford has announced the long-awaited new generation Mustang and confirmed that the car will be officially imported to the UK. As a result, the new model is to be made in right-hand-drive and, for the first time, it will be fitted with a system called ‘steering’.

‘This is the most technically advanced Mustang we’ve ever made,’ said chief engineer Stopp Hammertime. ‘For example, the new ‘steering’ facility takes the circular driver’s grab handle, airbag mount and iPad rest of the previous Mustang and, for the first time, connects it to a series of shafts, pinions and racks in order to permit the driver to take control of the front wheels, thereby allowing them to negotiate road conditions such as ‘cowners’. Am I pronouncing that right? Cornours? Whatever it is you Limeyass people call the parts between straightaways.’

Hammertime also noted that the new Mustang will finally get rid of the solid rear axle of previous generations. ‘That’s right,’ he confirmed. ‘Now we’ve gotta sell the ‘Stang in Yewrope the back axle is gonna have something called ‘inderpenderdent suspendionisation’. I think that’s how it’s pronounced. To be honest with you, on the development team we just called it the Pinko Commie Faggot Axle… WHY ARE YOU SIGHING?’