Motorsport News

Schumacher news latest

Article image
The outside of a hospital, yesterday

Doctors monitoring the state of reporting on Michael Schumacher’s condition said today that the news has entered ‘a repetitive state’ and is showing early signs of banality.

‘During the critical 24 hours immediately after Schumacher’s accident the news was in a state of high interest and able to draw on new facts to sustain itself,’ noted doctor in charge of news, Dr Ian Chargeofnews. ‘But since then I’m sorry to report we have seen a significant slump into what is medically known as the idioticus speculationus or ‘nothing to report’ state. During this phase the mouth of a television news reporter may be moving and noises may be coming out but nothing of any use or interest is emerging.’

‘This is a worrying but stable phase,’ Dr Chargeofnews noted. ‘However, it can very quickly descend into something more dangerously crass known medically as The Daily Mail which can bring extremely nasty complications such as intrusive photographs of Michael Schumacher’s family leaving the hospital and badly researched articles about why skiing is dangerous.’

Meanwhile, the team treating Michael Schumacher has confirmed that the seven times world champion is ‘in a good place’, chiefly because he doesn’t have to read or listen to all the idiotic news coverage about him.