The Detroit Motoring Show is in Detroit. Here are some words from there.
One of the stars of the show was the return of a classic look for the Porsche 911, along with the use of the famous Targa name, which is Latin for hairpiece.
The big news from Fiat’s US branch office was the new Chrysler 200 saloon. ‘I believe this is a great automobile,’ said a senior Chrysler designer. ‘And I just can’t wait for our customers to rent one.’
Over on the Volkswagen stand, the main attraction was the Beetle Dune concept, although there was some confusion about the name. ‘Beaches?’ said a spokesman. ‘What are you talking about? You cannot get this car anywhere near sand, it would be ruined. Dune is German slang for a lady with a penis.’
Volvo proudly showed off its new Concept XC Coupe which previews the look of the next XC90. ‘This car is inspired by research conducted amongst existing XC90 drivers,’ revealed a spokesperson. ‘That’s why the Concept XC Coupe can’t wait until its third child goes to boarding school and is secretly shagging its tennis instructor.’
Toyota announced the striking FT-1 which is tipped to become the new Supra with only the addition of production spec lights, mirrors and in-dash Rohypnol storage.
Audi showed off their Allroad Shooting Brake concept, a car that not only previews the look of the next TT but also heralds an expanded range of Allroad models to sit alongside existing models which only works on some roads. For example, ones that don’t have bumps on them.
Another show highlight came from Kia who revealed an exciting coupe concept called the GT4 Stinger. ‘This car was conceived one night over a curry,’ admitted a senior designer. ‘Although the name came to me the next day.’
Cadillac revealed the understated ATS Coupe along with a revised marque badge that gets rid of the wreath around the main design. ‘My nephew did that for me,’ said Cadillac loudly. ‘He’s good with computers you see. Are you Walt’s boy? You look like Walt. Whose legs are these?’
Mercedes showed off the new C-class along with a claim that the interior is so nice the car can detect what sort of trousers you are wearing and then decide not to let you in.
Finally, GM proudly announced the new Z06 version of the latest Corvette. ‘This is the greatest example of the greatest sportscar on the planet,’ said a spokesman. ‘Awww, bless,’ said the rest of the world.