Car salesmen’s success boosts economy

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Some cars, yesterday

Figures released today show that car sales have risen at their fastest rate for a decade and this good news for car salesmen is having a positive effect on the economy as a whole.

Clothing retailers report that sales of mid-priced off-the-peg suits with abnormally wide lapels are up 14.7 percent, whilst jewellers have seen a 17.2 percent rise in idiotically large watches with lots of gold detailing on them. Meanwhile, the perfume sector is claiming a massive 27.8 percent rise in sales of obnoxiously pungent after shaves that ill-conceal the smell of the Benson & Hedges you had round the back of the showroom 10 minutes earlier.

Furthermore, the boom times for car salesmen combined with an increasingly buoyant property market mean Britain has seen an unprecedented 19.6 percent rise in lies, insincerity, and unreturned phone calls.