Crazy Dave

Crazy Dave Coulthard in Bahrain 2014

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CrazyD14Och aye tha noo muthafukas! Crazy Dave comin’ atcha in full effect fo’ tha oh-fo’teen season. Quieter, mo’ turbocharged, and even tighter in tha trousah. Almost no blood gettin’ to ma testizzles.

So las’ weekend we slide on over Middle Eastside fo’ tha Bahrain Gee-diddy-Pee and this year they gonna make tha shizzle get real after sundown. Man, that be a lot of light bulbs. Hope they get a discount at Homebizzle.

Come tha triple Q, ain’t no homie touchin’ dem cats from Mo’cedes. ‘Cept who this be sneakin’ it in on tha three slot but ma perma smilin’ buddy D Ric. That shrimp-on-tha-barbie brother be makin’ tha ReBu fly but ain’t no thang cuz he gotta take tha ten sec smackdown. Fuel flow meter controvercizzle.

So, when tha five and out be goin’ down, ma homies Da Ham and NiRo be drivin’ away like it they birthdays. Tings ain’t so sweet fo’ ma so solids at M C Laren cuz K Mag go down and later Jenny B be makin’ like Brucie and retirin’, and dem Fo’rarris be in reverse. Not literally, Crazy D use a metaphizzle.

An’ then ma buddy Este B Gut be mindin’ he’s own comin’ out tha box pipe when he get slammed by ma inconsistent homie P Maldiddy. Next ting y’all know, tha Gutman be mad flippin’ and tha P, he be given tha sto-go cuz he be outta line. Absolutizzle mentizzle.

Las’ few laps, it get so mad Crazy D think he gonna need to dry clean he tighty whitey jeans. We got D Ric showin’ he moves, and tha Will.i.ams be lookin’ fine and up tha pointy side we got some badass Ham on Berg action all tha way to tha table cloth.

When it all spool down, it be Da Ham on tha ones with NiRo on tha two and ma Mexico muthafunker Sergi P bringing it home in tha three. That be some hot desertizzle actionizzle. Please do remember to join us again in two weeks for full coverage of the Chinese Grand Prix on Radio 5Live and a complete highlights package on BBC TV.