Bentley has announced details of a new Mulsanne concept powered by a radical hybrid system that operates off a combination of petrol and the tears of the poor.
‘At the heart of the system is a conventional 6.75-litre V8,’ explained new engine technology manager Miles Pergallon. ‘And this is combined with a high pressure system filled with fresh, salty tears harvested from poor people using a range of techniques such as taking away their television or buying a big bucket of KFC meat items and then simply throwing it straight into the bin in front of their pale, pinched little faces. Ha ha haaaaaa.’
‘The really clever part is that it can work on things other than the rancid eye water of the underclasses,’ Pergallon cackled. ‘For example, the despair of the unemployed, the noise made by smashing up an orphanage or the fumes created from senselessly burning down a branch of Lidl’.
However, the most remarkable part of Bentley’s new petrol / low income suffering hybrid is that, unlike all comparable systems, it actually increases fuel consumption. ‘Our customers like to be reminded that they can afford it and nothing does that like reassuringly inflated fuel bills combined with the anguish of the disadvantaged’ Pergallon notes. ‘Mwaaah-ha-haaaaa,’ he added, menacingly.
‘I disapprove of any car fitted with this system,’ said the chancellor, George Osborne. ‘And I have shown my disapproval by ordering three’.