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Your motoring questions answered by a passive aggressive online cockwad.

TPFAIF_2Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum, I have a Discovery 4 as a family car and a Fiesta as a runabout but I want to treat myself to a ‘weekend car’. Ideally this will be something fun to drive with two seats and a soft top, budget around £25,000. A second-hand Boxster seems to fit the bill, but am I missing anything else? Greg, Woking

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies… First of all, welcome to the forum. Play by the rules, show some respect and we’ll get along fine. You can ask anyone here what I’m like if that doesn’t happen. Secondly, you are so wrong it’s unbelievable. In my personal experience of reading about other people who have Boxsters they are terrible, unreliable and useless. Big mistake. The only car you should consider is the Honda Civic Type-S. I’ve had mine for four years now, it’s given no trouble and it gets admiring glances wherever I go. It’s literally the best car I’ve ever owned and if you consider anything else, you’re an even bigger moron than you sound.

Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum, I was approaching a roundabout two days ago when a biker raced up my inside and came so close he smashed my passenger side mirror. He must have noticed but he just rode off at speed and I didn’t get his reg number. Now I regret not giving chase. What would you have done? Pete, Birmingham

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies… I simply cannot believe you have posted this. Some random damages your car and you let him get away with it? Pathetic. If that was me and a biker damaged my HCT-S they would remember that day for more than one reason although I doubt I would find myself in that situation in the first place as I’m quite powerfully built for my size and I’ve read a lot about martial arts so any joker would know not to mess. Hey, you made the decision to let him go and that’s your choice. I’m just saying, it’s not what I would have done.

Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum, Hi there! My name’s Becky and I’m a researcher on an amazing new TV show about people who love their cars more than anything else! I wondered if you or any of the guys on your forum would fit that description and would be willing to take part in some filming! If you’re interested, mail me at becky@cooltomatotv.co.uk. Thanks! Becky, London

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies… I must have missed the memo about this becoming the ‘do people’s jobs for them forum’. Show some courtesy you moron. This is not your personal research service and the sooner you realise that the better. I have also sent you an email about this. Please check your spam in case it has gone in there. If you call the home number and my mum or dad answer, just ask for me by my real name. Thanks!