Lamborghini has announced that, following extensive market research amongst its customer base, all of its cars will now be delivered ‘pre-crashed’.
‘We have learned two important things about our customers,’ said the company’s marketing boss Sergio Boolshitta. ‘Firstly, they are cash rich and time poor. And secondly, they are total assholes. By delivering a car to them with the panels damaged and the chassis bent we are saving them the trouble of driving like a total fucking idiot and inevitably smacking it into a lamp post.’
Sant’Agata sources say anyone buying a pre-clattered Huracan or Aventador will be able to order the optional Tuba di You package which includes annoyingly portrait-format cameraphone footage of their new supercar as a highly trained factory test driver races it down a city street at 115mph and twats it into a parked car.
‘Pre-crashing our new cars will be a great bonus to the average Lamborghini customer,’ said Boolshitta. ‘And it will give them more time to find other ways of being, as we say in Italy, un grande bellende’.
