Motorsport News

McLaren hires Moyes

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Picture editor to my office please

Just 24 hours after being dismissed by Manchester United, beleaguered manager David Moyes has been hired by the McLaren F1 team.

‘It brings me the human emotion of delightedness to welcome David to the team,’ said Ron Dennis in a statement. ‘I hope he will facilitate for this organisation an optimal quantity of success. Transmission ends’.

Manchester United and McLaren are both well known sporting names who used to win major championships but have recently been going through tough times yet giving the football manager Martin Whitmarsh’s old job may surprise since many believe he was the cause of United’s woes. ‘It’s true,’ admitted one high ranking Woking source. ‘But he couldn’t make it worse than last season. Unless he made it like this season.’

McLaren insiders say Moyes is already planning to change the way the team is run during a race and will forgo sitting on the pit wall using team-to-car radio in favour of pacing up and down on the edge of the start-finish straight, wildly gesticulating and shouting orders at the drivers. One confidant also revealed that Jenson Button will be substituted on lap 23, right around the time he gets all flustered because the car is crap.