Classic car season starts in style

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The May Day bank holiday is when the classic car scene really comes alive for the summer. Sniff Petrol’s classic car correspondent SIMON PEEDOE reports on some of this weekend’s classic action.


Glorious sunshine bathed the grounds of Typhus Manor in Gristle as over 16 people gathered for a meeting of the Vauxhall Scrofula owners’ club. There was a wonderful array of Scrofulas on display, including a rare public outing for the sole surviving 1958 pre-production model, nicknamed ‘The Runny Fart’. This is the actual car in which factory test driver Bunty “The Hands” Sinclair was arrested although of course most of the prostitute has long since been removed from the boot!

2014 is the 60th anniversary of the Humber Perineum and the occasion was marked in fine style on Saturday evening with a dinner-dance for over 100 invitees, many of whom were still alive. The following morning, a record-breaking convoy of over 45 cars travelled across the rolling countryside of the Lessingham Tits to The Baboon & Muesli where a mistake with the booking saw them attacked with hammers.

The Triumph Gout owners’ club met at The Cock & Balls in Ghastly on Sunday. After a run out in the beautiful countryside around Grunting, the club members returned to the pub for an informative lecture about alternator rebuilds and some light wife swapping.

On Saturday the amalgamated owners club for the Reliant Racist met in the beautiful conference room of The Miasma Hotel in Feltch where, for the first time in 38 years, a new club president was successfully elected without bloodshed. Afterwards, there was a light dinner and the now-traditional slaughter of the monkey.

Finally, the Austin Awful drivers’ association met at The Twattish Angler in Agony where there was great excitement at news that offside lower rear wing chrome finishers are once again in stock at renowned Austin parts specialists, Kiddlington Fiddler. Over an excessively informal lunch topics of conversation included electrical fires, breakdown recovery services and what was found in Ted’s house. Afterwards, a new interim club secretary was elected to cover for Ted while he awaits trial.