Google has announced a self-driving car prototype which it will release for testing amongst feckless dickwits.
‘This car makes an incredible statement,’ said Google spokesman Serge Optimization. ‘Specifically, it says, I’m so fucking stupid I can’t even drive a car.’
Google sources say a great deal of time was spent on the design to ensure it was as embarrassing as possible and the car will also be limited to 25mph so bystanders have plenty of time to laugh at it.
‘Just imagine passing at snail’s pace down a city street in a slow-moving nutsack of lameness over which you’ve happily agreed to have absolutely no control,’ Optimization suggests. ‘That’s how shitty and incompetent at the basic task of driving you need to be. If you got picked last for sports at high school and you’d rather touch your fucking phone than your own dick, this is the achingly slow bubble of douchbaggery for you.’
As you would expect from Google, the experimental machine features full connectivity with the company’s other services. ‘The car syncs perfectly with the owner’s Google+ and Google Glass,’ Optimization notes. ‘Which, given the lamers we’re aiming at, we assume they already have.’