You may have seen reports in the media that I have come to an agreement with the infidels at Lotus following my decision some time ago to be told to clear my desk and get out of the building. But what does this mean for me, Dany Bahaha, CEO, COO and CNT of The Bahaha Premium Excellence Lifestyle Automotive Group, curator of excellence and inventor of the laser? Let me explain.
It means that at last a new heritage premium aspirational excellences conceptualisation can be realised. For some time now I have been working in secret on a plan. Yet it is more than a plan. It is a vision. A vision of lifestyle brand-managed synchronicity premium aspirationalosity manifested in 17 brand new cars, announced at the same time by 17 different celebrities, all of whom are close personal friends of mine. We are talking about premium desirability supercar unveiled by Bryan Adams. A key market positioning excellence roadster revealed by Derek Jacobi. An optimum lifestyle experience saloon shown off by Cheggers. There are also many more which I cannot speak about at the moment. Sometimes in my dreams, my penis has my face on it.
Already I have shown off the my new brand leverage solutions excellence premium excellence pamphlet to trusted allies and those who can assist me in making it a reality. Each of these people signed a powerful legal document promising that they would not reveal the contents, laugh at the drawings or tell anyone I live in a skip.
On a wider scale, my deal with the back stabbers at Lotus has a much bigger significance. In giving me a cash settlement they have admitted that I was right, that I was not ‘full of shit’ and that I have always had tremendously nice hair. Also, I am capable of unaided flight.
Soon the media will see my vision once more and, like last time, they will not point out any obvious flaws with it. Please be patient, true believers, for the future is close at hand and the future is truly premium segment 25-36 key demographic excellence system leading edge solution hat turtle vestibule miasma something something something and so on.