To mark the start of the 2014 World Cup, Vauxhall has announced a brand new special edition Corsa which the company says has ‘a very strong football theme. Very strong’.
The Corsa Football Edition is distinguished by its distinctive football paintwork and also by its body, which is the shape of a football. As an added touch, the wheels have been replaced by footballs.
Inside, the gearknob is the shape of a football, as are the headrests, the seat cushions, the seat backs, the heater controls, the clock, the sunvisors, the rear view mirror, the door handles and the windows. On the driver’s side, the steering wheel has been replaced by a football whilst in the event of an accident, the dashboard compartment that normally contains the passenger airbag now fires a football into your face.
In the centre of the dash is a stereo which only plays football commentary and a sat-nav system which doesn’t give any directions and just goes on and on about football. As an added touch, the normal indicator tick-tock has been replaced by the sound of a man loudly shouting the word ‘football’ in an alley. The indicators themselves have been replaced by footballs.
The bonnet has been replaced by a football whilst underneath is a 1.6-litre football connected to a six-speed gearbox. Which is full of footballs.
‘This car is perfect for anyone who just can’t get enough of football,’ said a Vauxhall spokesman. ‘It’s just so fucking footbally.’
‘Football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football football,’ he added until everyone started weeping with despair.
