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Yet more Ask a Total Prick From An Internet Forum

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A keyboard warrior knobwallet answers your motoring queries 

TPFAIF_3Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum,
I bought an Alfa MiTo three years ago and it’s been completely trouble free until last week when the gearbox failed without warning. Typically, it’s just out of warranty. Do you think I’ve got a case to ask Alfa for a contribution for replacing the ‘box?
Sam, Scarborough

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies…
With the greatest of respect, you’re a bloody idiot. When does anything fail “without warning”. The warning was, you bought an Alfa. You know how many faults my Honda Civic Type-S has developed in the FOUR years I’ve owned it? None. I wonder why that is? Could it be because it’s a brilliant car and not Italian rubbish that, with respect, only a total moron would buy.


Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum,
Whats you’re opinin on teh MGF. I been ofered a cheeap one for 400 quds. Good idaea for a sumer fnu car!?
Jay, Southend

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies…
Welcome to the forum. No offence, but you sound like a complete twat. Is it the school holidays or something? If you can’t even get basic spelling and grammar right, you probably deserve a “400 qud” MGF. Personally, my “opinin” is I wouldn’t touch an old heap of British crap like “teh MGF” with your headwand, no matter how “cheeap” it is. There’s a reason I paid 50 times that for my Honda Civic Type-S. Because it’s more than 50 times better and gives me all the “sumer fnu” I need. Tell me, have you ever heard of a little thing called ‘spellcheck’. Try using it, idiot. No offence.


Dear Total Prick From An Internet Forum,
It’s Ric (HCTSman85) here. I think we met at the HCTS sub-forum meet in Bramley last week. Sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye. Lost track of time and had to chip off. Anyway, good to meet you buddy.
Ric, Farnham

Total Prick From An Internet Forum replies…
Hi HCTSman85!! Epic meet! Legendary banter! I know I won’t be able to look at cheese & onion crisps in the same way again!! ; ) Hey, listen, I never got your mobile number on the meet. Can you PM it to me? We’ve got to meet up again soon for more HCTS bants. Now wash your hands!! LOL!!!! Seriously, I’m free this week. Or next week. Just PM me! Please.