BMW wins Le Mans!

Article image
The winning BMW pictured with its rivals, yesterday
The winning BMW pictured with its rivals, yesterday

After 24 hours of gruelling track action, the 2014 Le Mans endurance race has been won by a BMW 320d.

‘I’m really pleased with this result,’ said the owner and sole driver of the winning car, Findle Kneve. ‘Especially as I only filled up twice.’

Mr Kneve leased the red saloon in March after getting ‘a literally amazing deal’ and has spent his time ever since telling everyone on the internet how economical his car is. ‘People said I was exaggerating my economy figures,’ explained Mr Kneve, also known online as 320dmpgman. ‘I really feel vindicated by my two stop strategy. You know, when I crossed the finish line the fuel light hadn’t even come on again.’

However, Mr Kneve admitted that beating the combined might of three works teams wasn’t without its difficult moments. ‘I had to wee in an old Oasis citrus punch bottle,’ he confessed. ‘And on some of the bends I had to use both hands on the wheel which prevented me from furiously pleasuring myself over how economical my car is.’