There was a crisis in car journalism today as a consortium of car makers explained that they no longer have ‘order books’ and nor are they ‘opened’.
‘It’s been done on computers for years now,’ revealed a spokesman for the collective of major car makers. ‘We don’t know why car journalists would think we’d put a new car on sale by opening an actual book as if it’s 1874.’
The car making consortium also pointed out that, in general, new models do not ‘break cover’ and are not ‘teased’ in any way. ‘Hiding prototypes in dense bushes and then permitting them to make a run for it across open land would be silly,’ the spokesman continued. ‘And we don’t generally tease them. That would be a waste of time. Cars do not have feelings.’
The group of car makers also pointed out that their products rarely take the fight to rivals, bust their own segments or steal any kind of crown. ‘I’ve never even seen a car wearing a crown,’ a spokesman noted. ‘I haven’t seen one getting married either although I do keep reading that they get ‘unveiled’. I can’t think where that would have come from unless of course it’s, oh I don’t know, piss-poor, lazy writing.’
‘God, this is devastating news,’ admitted one anonymous car journalist. ‘Next they’ll be telling us that road tests don’t have to start with a whole paragraph of needless solipsism as if the reader actually gives a flying shit about the writer’s life and opinions.’