Festival of Speed is off!

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Lord March, yesterday
Lord March, yesterday

There was embarrassment in Sussex today as Lord March admitted he had ‘completely forgotten’ that the Goodwood Festival of Speed was taking place in his garden this weekend.

‘I came home last night and, to my surprise, there were bales all over the drive and a load of old cars parked on my lawn,’ March admitted this morning. ‘Then the penny dropped, it was all for the Festival of Speed. Turns out, I’d written the wrong date in my diary.’

‘The awkward thing is, I’m going to Glastonbury with Keith Chegwin and Archbishop Desmond Tutu this weekend,’ the car-loving lord continued. ‘Now, I’d be happy to let the festival go ahead in my absence but unfortunately while I’m away camping with Cheggers and the Tootmeister my evil cousin Lord January is house-sitting and he hates cars. So I’m afraid the whole thing is off.’

There was, however, some hope for the thousands of fans expecting to see gorgeous machinery in action this weekend as car-crazed pop star Jay Kay (out of Jamiroquai) offered to let the whole event take place on his patio instead. ‘Spiggedy spiggedy spooo,’ Mr Kay (out of Jamiroquai) said. ‘Beee bop bop booo spigedy spoooo,’ he added, before being run over by one of his own sofas.