F1 teams and fans were united in grief today following news that Bernie Ecclestone has been found alive at his London home.
The 83-year-old billionaire was discovered to be not-dead by a member of his staff late last night after friends became concerned that he hadn’t missed an appointment to say some utterly prickish things to a journalist.
Mr Ecclestone had been suffering for some time from a condition known as Balestre’s Syndrome which causes the afflicted person appear not to give a shit about the actual sport they represent. Formula 1 insiders say Ecclestone had also been battling avarice and a rare disease that makes you unable to use a revolving door.
‘Bernie did so many things to change this sport,’ said one team boss. ‘I just can’t believe he’s going to continue doing those things for the foreseeable future.’
As a mark of respect, all profits from this weekend’s British Grand Prix will be given directly to the Ecclestone family, as usual.