Motorsport News

2014 British GP fact-o-fart

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Silverstone, yesterday
Silverstone, yesterday

This year’s race is the 50th time Silverstone has hosted the British Grand Prix, an occasion that will be marked with a special parade and the sound of weeping drifting on the wind from the general direction of Leicestershire.

The British GP covers a total of 190 miles or about the same distance as every visitor walks to find their car again.

Although the British Grand Prix is the home race for most teams, others travel from further afield such as Ferrari from Italy, Sauber from Switzerland and Force India from Justovertheer.

For this year’s race, the circuit’s owners have hastily painted over signs for some of the lesser known parts of the track such as Savile Bend, Hall Curve and The Rolf Straight.

An online petition has started to re-name the Silverstone Wing as ‘The Sir Jackie Stewart Building’. Signatories so far include ‘Sackie Jtewart’, ‘JY Stewart’ and ‘Rubens Barrichello’.

Amongst the new attractions for visitors this year is a small hemisphere full of moustache pictures and low moaning, dubbed ‘The Mansell-o-dome’. It has been described by those who have experienced it as ‘Well, obviously.’

For the past 10 years, British Grand Prix regulars have played their own version of ‘Where’s Wally?’ which, in this case, is called ‘Spot that lone bloke who turns up every year inexplicably wearing an Andrea Moda cap’.

Race organisers expect a crowd of over 120,000 paying spectators and around 130,000 minor celebrities milling about on the grid pretending to give a shit about F1.

Bad news for motorists trying to leave the circuit after the race as at least one lane of the A43 is expected to be closed while they clear away the rest of Pastor Maldonado’s car.