Ahead of this weekend’s German Grand Prix, the FIA has announced that Pastor Maldonado is to be given his own race series.
‘All the teams have approached us at some point to complain about Maldonado damaging their cars with his idiotic antics on the track,’ explained an FIA spokesman. ‘So from now on, he’ll race separately in his own series where he can caper about smashing into things to his heart’s content.’
Under the new plan, Maldonado will ‘race’ his Lotus ahead of the actual Grand Prix, aiming to complete as many laps as possible. Typically, this we be about 17. He will be joined on the track by a gaggle of other expendable buffoons including Yuji Ide, Chanoch Nissany and Luca Badoer, all of whom he can collide with at will. The ‘winner’ will be one who stays out on the track for the longest and will be awarded a pouch of Capri Sun and a box of non-toxic crayons.
‘The crowd will love their inept blundering and the teams will love knowing it’s an old Mastercard Lola chassis getting bent again, not their proper cars,’ our FIA source explained. ‘This will be the ultimate spin off series. Literally. We’re thinking of calling it Formula Wank.’