New NSX not ready

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A model of the new NSX, yesterday
A model of the new NSX, yesterday

Days after spy pictures apparently showed the new Honda NSX lapping the Nurburgring, sources within the company admit that the new car is nowhere near ready.

According to our insider, the NSX’s problems began when the team was moved to California in order to benchmark rival products.

‘This has been a super optimized fun project to work on,’ enthused one member of the engineering team. ‘We all rented a house in LA and then took a bunch of Porsche 911s and benchmarked them to Vegas where we also benchmarked some casinos and some cocktails and the head of stability control systems later benchmarked his bathroom with some sick. We also benchmarked the Dodge Viper to Malibu to benchmark some surfing and the Lexus LFA to the Nappa Valley where we benchmarked some wine and then there was the time I benchmarked an Audi R8 all the way to Reno and then benchmarked some hookers and one of them actually gave me a benchmark while I was driving. But anyway, to answer your question, no. We haven’t done our homework.’

Moving the team to Germany doesn’t seem to have helped matters, according to our insider. ‘I’ve already benchmarked several steins of strong beer and a plate of currywurst,’ he explained. ‘But we’ve also sent a prototype out onto the ‘Ring to be photographed by spies, just in case management start asking questions. Between you and me, it’s basically just MDF and No More Nails with a scooter engine in the middle.’

However, our man seemed relaxed about the seven years his team has spent benchmarking instead of developing a new NSX. ‘Look it’s fine,’ he insisted. ‘We’ll do what we did last time. Get it cobbled together and then let Ayrton Senna sort it out… He’s what? Oh God, when?’