Land Rover announces new Sport

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The new Discovery Sport, yesterday
The new Discovery Sport, yesterday

Land Rover last night revealed its brand new Discovery Sport at a glittering ceremony in Birmingham or, as the company now calls it, London Sport.

The brand new Freelander replacement and junior to the existing Discovery was unveiled in front of a packed crowd who dined on what Land Rover called ‘Steak Sport’ and ‘Champagne Sport’, though this later turned out to be burgers and lager. Guests at the event included Alan Sugar, introduced by Land Rover as Richard Branson Sport, and Sporty Spice, referred to as Posh Spice Sport throughout.

After a performance by Coldplay, inexplicably billed as U2 Sport, the covers were pulled from the new car by Land Rover’s design boss, Geoff Upex Sport.

Following Land Rover’s decision to use existing names with Sport after them, sister company Jaguar denied that it was about to be rebranded Land Rover Sport. ‘That would just be taking the piss,’ said a spokesman. ‘Sorry, I meant “taking the Shit Sport”.’