As Scotland votes on its future today, political leaders on both sides of the debate have warned that, whatever the outcome, there are no guarantees as to who would get Sir Jackie Stewart’s trousers.
‘Alex Salmond has promised many things,’ said a spokesman for the Better Together campaign. ‘But voters have a right to know that he cannot promise an independent Scotland would not get Sir Jackie Stewart’s trousers.’
However, a representative for the pro-independence movement insisted it was too early to say either way. ‘In the event of Scotland’s separation there are many details to be worked out,’ she said. ‘And that would include making sure we did everything in our powers to give Sir Jackie Stewart trousers to the English.’
On the streets of Glasgow, people on both sides of the vote had strong opinions about the Sir Jackie Stewart’s trousers issue. ‘This is why Scotland should remain part of the UK,’ insisted one passer-by. ‘So we can share the awful responsibility for Sir Jackie Stewart trousers and take turns having to look at how dreadful they are.’
Pro-separationists were equally vocal, however; ‘Scotland doesnae want or need the burden of Sir Jackie Stewart’s trousers,’ said one proud ‘yes’ voter. ‘Independence is a chance for Scotland to shake off the terrible problems of the past and that includes Sir Jackie Stewart’s trousers.’
Although feelings are clearly running high over this matter, some members of the public took a more even view of the Sir Jackie Stewart’s trousers problem. ‘Sir Jackie Stewart is a proud Scot,’ said one man. ‘And I’m sure he’ll do whatever is right for Scotland, from his mansion in Buckinghamshire.’