Motorsport News

A Renault F1 engine writes…

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During qualifying for the Singapore Grand Prix, Romain Grosjean took to the radio to complain about the Renault engine in his Lotus. Now, exclusively on Sniff Petrol, the engine has its say 

RenaultEnergyF12014I cannot believe it! Bloody driver! Bloody driver! We break our balls for this? To be moaned about by le glorified snowboard instructor with ‘is stupid bum fluff beard. He look like ze shitty impersonation of, ‘ow you say, Chris Martin du Coldplay. Oh ‘ow I long for a decent driver like zat nice Jenson Button. At least ‘is impression of Chris Martin is convincing.

But non, we ‘ave ze man who look like a rural simpleton. Per’aps if he spent less time complaining and more time try to, ‘ow you say, drive ze car properly, zis would not be an issue. Per’aps also he should have signed for ze team that is, ‘ow you say, not shit. I notice my cousin in le Rouge Bull is doing quite well now, non? Maybe ze Lotus, she is the problem. Maybe they should have spent more time on ze chassis and less time on, ‘ow you say, dicking about dans le social medieur.

Ze bearded buffoon, ‘as he thought about zis, eh? I think not. And don’t get me started on ze other guy. He is a completement, ‘ow you say, fucking moron. It would be easier on us engines if we got an actual monkey to drive ze car. Maximum throttle, no throttle, maximum throttle, no throttle, maximum throttle, BANG. Zut alors! It’s okay for ‘im, at least ‘e can see what we’re about to hit. I ‘ave a cover over mon head. It go quiet, there is a ‘orrible noise, then I wait to find out what we drove into this time. Zut alors, he is the merde of the chien!

So, zat’s it. I will take it no more. Fight ze power. Whatever that is. Boh!