Vauxhall has issued an emergency recall for every Corsa made since 1993 after discovering it is an awful car driven by halfwits.
The company has acted quickly after encountering this problem during normal driving on UK roads. ‘It is standard procedure to look out for problems with our cars even after they go on sale,’ said a Vauxhall spokesman. ‘In this case, after 20 years or so we suddenly noticed that the Corsa is a miserable griefbox driven exclusively by people too stupid to work out where the nearest Ford or Volkswagen garage is.’
Insiders say that, as a result of this problem, the car will become incapable of parking neatly between two parallel lines or moving out of the second lane of the motorway, irrespective of surrounding traffic conditions. It may also experience a build up of unsightly stickers on the exterior or soft toys on the dashboard.
The Luton-based car maker asks that all Corsas are returned to the nearest dealer as soon as possible so that these problems can be minimized by the replacement of a component Vauxhall refers to as ‘the driver’.