For some time now you may have been wondering what I, St Dany of Bahaha, have been working on. Now at last my glorious new project can be revealed to you, loyal disciples of my life, my work and my simply excellent hair. It is a project of unimaginable premium lifestyle heritage craftsmanship premium aspiration excellenceness and it has a name that I believe is already synonymous with Dany Bahaha. It is called ARSE.
The background to ARSE is simple. When the vile infidels at Lotus decided to allow me to choose to be told to clear my office I had a great deal of time to reflect, mostly in the mirror of my room at the Norwich Airport branch of Premier Inn. God, my hair looked good. Of course, I had job offers from several large car companies, all of whom were desperate to announce five different models all at once and then spunk all their money on glossy magazines and has-been celebrities. I was the man they wanted to make this optimum aspirational lifestyle premium experiential experience occur. I could not accept these offers, however, because I knew I had to pursue my own vision. Also, because I was helping out in my brother’s restaurant.
As I sat on my luxury king-size pocket sprung bed, I considered what was at the heart of my business aspirational heritage lifestyle skillset and I remembered what countless people had said to me after I decided to be told to get off the premises by Lotus. ‘Dany,’ they said. ‘You really fucked that up.’ And that is when it hit me: This is my skill. I knew then that my next venture should be not to make my own cars but to take existing cars and really fuck them up. At that moment, ARSE was born.
If you look at the Bentley Continental GT and wish it had a worse grille, wheels and interior or you believe the Aston Martin Rapide is not a good looking car and needs the entire roofline modified for no readily apparent reason or you wish the interior of your Range Rover was covered in diamonds and whale foreskin, talk to my ARSE. We are ready and waiting with a complete range of services in coachbuilding, retrimming and psychiatry. As we say here at ARSE, we have the skills if you have the chequebook.
I am now installed in my office at the premium lifestyle aspirational headquarters of my new company and it beings me great pride, loyal subjects, to tell you that this time I truly am talking out of my ARSE.
Keep drinking the Kool Aid.
Lord Dany of Bahaha