After recalling thousands more Corsas for a possible steering fault, Vauxhall has asked all Corsa drivers to avoid using their cars’ steering from now on.
‘It would be far too complicated to recall and fix all of these cars,’ said a spokesman for the Lutonical company. ‘And steering isn’t as important as these so-called ‘safety experts’ say it is. So we’re simply asking that anyone who owns or drives a Corsa doesn’t use the steering facility ever again.’
To compensate Corsa owners for losing the in-built ability to change the direction of travel, Vauxhall will issue customers with one of several alternative low-speed manoeuvring options including two trolley jacks, a small forklift truck or three burly men.
‘We think this will work just fine,’ said the Vauxspoker. ‘Judging from the way most of them are parked, we don’t think Corsa drivers use the steering very much anyway.’