There was surprise in Sochi today as Russia announced that President Vladimir Putin is to enter and win this weekend’s Grand Prix.
The stoat-faced psycho is expected to take part in the race using his own specially constructed Putintron Puthousand car fitted with a 9-litre V12 engine and tyres made from those who have disagreed with him.
‘The West needs to realise what a talented, handsome and substantially genitalled man the President is,’ said a spokesman. ‘He is a skilled cook, artist, skydiver, poet, glass blower, acrobat, horse analyst, airship pilot, pastry chef, hovercraft operative and street mime. Now the entire world will see he is also number one race driver of all time.’
‘The other drivers will easily move out of the way for the President,’ our source continued. ‘First, because they will recognise his superior skill. And second, because they will want to see their families again.’
To the surprise of many in the paddock, Putin’s aim to take victory in his very first F1 race has met with no resistance from the sport’s organisers. ‘Bernie does not mind. We understand each other,’ Mr Putin is quoted as saying in an interview with Russian television. ‘After all, where do you think I got the idea for my leadership style?’