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Alonso’s options for 2015

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Fernando Alonso, yesterday
Fernando Alonso, yesterday

According to F1 gossip, Fernando Alonso is faced with a dilemma for next season. Here are the pros and cons of his three options for 2015. 

Stay at Ferrari
Pros: Would really annoy Sebastian Vettel. Has finally found quiet lavatory at factory in which to have morning dump. Team already flexible about taking time off to have eyebrow partitioned.
Cons: Still can’t remember anyone’s name. Had been looking forward to betraying them this year. Can’t understand a word the other one is saying.

Move to McLaren
Pros: State-of-the-art eyebrow partitioning facility. Has already betrayed them once so wouldn’t be expecting it a second time.
Cons: Hates being made to take shoes off before entering factory. Can’t stay at Woking branch of Premier Inn after what happened last time with mini kettle. Inherent mistrust of the Danish.

Take year off, go to Mercedes in 2016
Pros: Get to spend more time partitioning eyebrow. 12 months off from Felipe Massa endlessly asking if they’re still friends. Cycling thing.
Cons: Will spend year worrying about loss of Air Miles. Eyebrow doesn’t go well with silver. Might get bored of not being able to betray anyone and accidentally betray self.