Everyone on the internet has a Golf R

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An Golf R, yesterday
An Golf R, yesterday

Volkswagen admitted today that sales of the Golf R have collapsed now that everyone on the internet has one.

‘We were very pleased with the way Golf R sales were going thanks to some attractive lease deals,’ admitted company source Penny Sourcecome. ‘Unfortunately, it seems from reading the internet that every single person on there has now bought a Golf R and as a result sales have dropped to zero.’

A quick poke around the internet does indeed reveal a thread about the buying and the subsequent minutiae of running a Golf R on every single forum in Britain. A typical example is a 17 page thread devoted entirely to turn-in characteristics under medium throttle openings on damp roads in sport mode on Mumsnet which concludes that this shouldn’t affect which school Hugo goes to.

‘This is a bit of a bugger for us,’ admitted the VW spokesperson. ‘We’d just ordered a shitload more of that blue paint.’

The rush to buy Golf Rs amongst people on the internet is not unusual, according to market analyst Alan Marketlyst. ‘It’s not uncommon,’ he confirmed. ‘And is the result of what we call ‘M135i syndrome’.’