There was controversy in global financial markets this week as gold was usurped as the world’s most precious metal and replaced by the air-cooled Porsche 911.
‘Gold has been a stable and consistently valuable commodity for hundreds of years,’ explained gold dealer Dee Lergold. ‘But unfortunately gold can’t prompt someone to pay 28 grand for a ratty 993 Targa that previously you couldn’t give away.’
Financial analysts say that the market shift away from gold and towards Porsche 911s built between 1963 and 1998 is only going to increase the value of these cars even further, despite £100,000 seeming like quite a lot for a 964 Turbo as it is; ‘I can see this commodity only getting stronger,’ Mr Lergold admitted. ‘And that will in turn lead to an increase in other things, such as the number of people saying, ‘Jesus Christ, since when is a G-series Carrera worth 80k?’’
‘With demand for air-cooled 911s so high I would encourage people to look in the back of wardrobes or the cupboard under the stairs,’ Mr Lergold advised. ‘They may have a 1974 911S they inherited from their grandmother many years ago and which they do not realise is worth £150,000 or something sodding ridiculous like that.’
However, as markets move towards air-cooled 911s as their most valuable asset, all is not lost for gold as a number of companies have now entered the business of increasing the value of newer gold by making it look like slightly older gold.