Motorsport News

Hulkenberg signs unusual Force India contract

Article image
Nico Hulkenberg, yesterday
Nico Hulkenberg, yesterday

This week Force India announced that they are keeping Nico ‘The Under-rated Hulk’ Hulkenberg in their driver line-up for 2015. However, Sniff Petrol can exclusively reveal that the new contract comes with some additional terms and conditions, as follows:

– Must change name to ‘NicoForce HulkenIndia’

– Must sponge down Vijay Mallya at least once a week. More frequently if there is particularly high build-up in the folds.

– Must attempt to gain psychological advantage by running into the motorhome of at least one rival team during every race weekend, shouting ‘FORCEINDIA’ and then running off again.

– Must endorse some of Vijay Mallya’s other companies via a TV ad in which he eats a bowl of chemicals, and looks like he’s enjoying it.

– Must have TW Steel watch implanted into chest, ‘like Ironman’.

– Must take blame for Vijay Mallya’s thunderous flatulence at all times. If during a race, must radio into pits and clearly state, ‘Sorry guys, the car just made a terrible noise. And smell.’

– Must circumvent alcohol advertising rules by sitting  in all press conferences holding an actual kingfisher which he must refer to throughout as ‘refreshing’.

– Must not moan about how he ‘could have gone to Ferrari’.