GM in radical new recall policy

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GM's Detroit headquarters, yesterday
GM’s Detroit headquarters, yesterday

After yet more embarrassing recalls around the world, bosses at GM headquarters in Detroit have decided it will be cheaper and quicker to cancel all recall action and simply turn back the very fabric of time.

To this end, all recalls have been called off and all current product development work put on hold. Instead, the entire company will now focus on the creation of a sophisticated jet pack system that will allow GM CEO Mary Barra to fly round and round the earth until time itself is put into reverse.

The high powered jet pack plan was chosen over a rival scheme in which a 1980s vehicle was fitted with a flux capacitor and driven at 88mph through a shopping mall car park. ‘We got the idea from that documentary, Back To The Future,’ admitted R&D boss, Aaron D. Boss. ‘But it just didn’t seem feasible. One, Mary doesn’t suit a red down-filled vest. Two, DeLorean is not a GM company so we’d have to use a 1983 Pontiac Grand Prix and we’re not totally certain it could do 88.’

‘Fortunately, we came across the jet pack idea in a documentary called Superman,’ Boss continued. ‘Sure, it eventually left the Clarke Kent guy in a wheelchair thinking his name was Christopher but Mary believes that would be a small price to pay for being able to travel back to the year 2001 and just telling everyone to do their goddam jobs properly.’