Merc announces new naming policy

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Something to do with those new Merc names, yesterday
Something to do with those new Merc names, yesterday

Mercedes this week announced plans to replace its existing, confusing model name structure with a brand new, even more confusing model name structure.

‘The new system uses a different range of letters to denote not only the model itself but also its specific attributes,’ said branding strategy manager Brandon Strategeeman-Ajerr. ‘So, let’s take the new rugged version of the A-class as an example. Five door models are now V for versatile, followed by the model letter in the hierarchy, and G denotes Gelande for four-wheel-drive variants. And, let’s say this model has petrol injection, or i, and no turbo, so na. Under our new system it is now badged VAGina.’

‘Or, for example, the newly expanded B-class range,’ Strategeeman-Ajerr continued. ‘This one here is the long wheelbase lengthened version, or len, and it is pure electric or El, but with a diesel range extender. Hence, it is badged BEllend.’

‘The strategy also extended to our larger cars,’ Strategeeman-Ajerr  noted. ‘Here, for example, we have a petrol powered M-class that also runs on Ng or natural gas and is an electric hybrid or ‘E’. So it is the MiNgE.’

‘Oh wait,’ Strategeeman-Ajerr concluded. ‘I have just been handed this piece of paper from management concerning the top secret F-class petrol-powered range extended dynamic edition. No, my mistake, they’re telling me I’m fired.’