VW announces self-driving car

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The self-driving Volkswagen, yesterday
The self-driving Volkswagen, yesterday

Volkswagen has announced a new Golf-based self-driving prototype using technology dubbed Haargenau Elektronisch Reguliert Beweglichkeit Integriert Element or HERBIE.

‘The all-white HERBIE prototype is completely in control of its own destiny,’ explained car systems director Karl Systemz-Direktor. ‘Without human intervention it can perform many normal functions such as accelerating, braking, and opening its bonnet at an opportune moment causing a man to fall into it in an amusing manner then closing again so that he is trapped inside.’

‘The performance of the vehicle is exceptional,’ Dr Systemz-Direktor continued. ‘In fact, HERBIE can take part in and win motor races against far more powerful machines in a quite implausible way.’

However, Volkswagen engineers are at pains to stress that a production car using this technology is still some way off. ‘A car like this will not go on sale until we have full control of the zaniness,’ Dr Systemz-Direktor revealed. ‘At the moment there are just too many shenanigans. No HERBIE, no! You cannot fall in love with that Lancia! NO!’