Following Volkswagen’s announcement of the Golf R estate this week, all other cars are to be cancelled.
‘It’s basically frigged it for all of us,’ sighed a spokesman for a rival car company. ‘You want a quick car? It’s a quick car. You want a practical car? It’s a practical car. You want a comfortable car? It’s a comfortable car. So really, what’s the point in us bothering?’
According to market analysts, the problem for other car companies is exacerbated by VW’s habit of offering the Golf R with incredibly reasonable finance packages. ‘They’re bound to repeat that with the estate making it a very affordable car too,’ said one industry expert. ‘We predict that pretty soon all car forums will be full of people discussing the Golf R estate they have ordered, or are about to order. And that really leaves no room in the market for any other cars.’
As a result of Volkswagen creating all the car anyone could reasonably need, experts predict that within two years all other car companies will have closed down, leaving the global vehicle market as ‘vans, pickups, and the Golf R estate’.
‘Well this is rather awkward,’ said VW head of sales, Edov Sayles. ‘I’m not sure we’ve ordered enough of that blue paint.’