As their money woes worsen, the three smallest F1 teams are to meet with Bernie Ecclestone in Abu Dhabi this weekend so that he can tell them in person to piss off.
‘We have had lengthy written communications with Bernie about the state of our finances,’ said a spokesman for the Lotus, Sauber and Force India conglomerate. ‘But obviously you can’t beat a face-to-face situation in which you are told to piss off.’
‘This meeting is very important to us at this difficult time,’ the spokesman continued. ‘And we are greatly looking forward to being able to sit down with Bernie and hear him personally tell us to piss off.’
Sources in the paddock say Ecclestone is also taking this meeting extremely seriously and has cleared his schedule to ensure he can devote the necessary amount of time to gathering the three smallest teams together, and then telling them to piss off.
‘Bernie understands that Lotus, Sauber and Force India are not in a strong financial position,’ said an FOM insider. ‘And it’s vital to him that he gets the chance to be in the same room as them, shake hands with their team principals, and then tell them to piss off.’
‘People wrongly think that Bernie is motivated only by enhancing his personal fortune,’ the inside man continued. ‘The truth is, sometimes he’s very happy to be a total prick for free’.