In a surprise move, Ford today announced plans to recall its 1980s sales heyday by renaming its entire range after pornographical magazines.
‘We done well when all our cars was named after jazz mags,’ said company spokesman Johnny Cockneyman. ‘But recently we don’t do that no more, apart from Fiesta. And that’s our best seller. So it’s bleedin’ obvious ain’t it. We’ve got to to something abaaaaaht it by re-naming our other cars after grot mags, like in the good old days.’
Under the hand shandy pamphlet inspired plan, the Focus will be re-badged the Knave, the Mondeo will become the Razzle, and the Galaxy will be known as the Ford Readers’ Wives Lezzing Up Special. The EcoSport will remain as it is since it is already considered a bit wank.
To complete the dated softcore bongo mag vibe, Ford’s dealer network is to be closed down and from now on the cars will be available only from slightly creepy petrol stations on the A1.
