Jaguar announces S&M trim

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The new XE S&M, yesterday
The new XE S&M, yesterday

Audi and BMW have enjoyed great success with their S Line and M Sport models. Now Jaguar plans to get in on the action, copying both rivals with a hardcore trim level called S&M.

To make its debut on the new XE, the S&M model will feature a completely leather interior with what Jaguar describes as ‘many, many zips’. As befits a modern prestige car, the S&M boasts front seats which are heated, cooled, massaging, biting, scratching and spanking. Each passenger gets ‘a lot of seatbelts’, some of which are made of rubber.

The centre of the dashboard is dominated if you want it to be by a built-in sat-nav which is said to be ‘extremely bossy’ and will ‘punish’ the driver for ignoring it, although there is integrated voice recognition for the agreed safe word. Meanwhile, the S&M’s suspension has been retuned to be ‘really, really hard’ and the keys have been optimised to perform well ‘in a bowl’.

Externally, the new model is identified by a special leather bumper protector and a very red bottom.

The XE S&M goes on sale when you say you want it and will cost from £28,995. It will also be available on a finance scheme which will handcuff the buyer for three years, or until your wife finds out.